Waiting For The Words You Never Spoke
by 4 the dragon hearted girl
Summary: Tessa can't take it anymore, Wills anger is killing her so she decides to leave. This is her goodbye letter to Will explaining how she feels.
1. The Word He Neve Spoke

**This is my first fanfiction on infernal devices and it's written a little differently. I wrote it as a letter that Tessa is leaving for Will. I hope you enjoy it!**

My dearest Will,

I waited in the library. I listened for your soft footsteps at the door- the footsteps that never came. I knew I was fooling myself, drowning in my own delusional hope. But as much as I knew I was fooling myself I also knew I would continue to sit there waiting- waiting for you Will. But I can't do it anymore.

I have never been so obsessed in any one person or any thing in my entire life. My mind continues to play, that moment, in the attic over and over in my head, continually mocking me. I have tried to see what I have done wrong. What did I do to upset you? Nothing comes to mind no matter how long I toss and turn in my bed thinking of it.

I didn't expect you to get on your knees and beg for my forgiveness, whisper in my ear how much you loved me or rush to me with arms wide open. I just wish you would collect the shattered fragments of my heart and put them back together. It wouldn't take much effort, a simple word would have done it, if you had just told me you were sorry, Will. Why is that one word so hard for you to speak?

What you did to me was cruel, giving me all I ever wanted then snatching it from my grasp in one fatal blow. For all the anger I feel inside I still know I will continue to wait for the word you will never speak.

In some ways you are far worse than these clockwork abominations will ever be. Because for all the pain they cause me they are just doing what they are told. It's not their fault. You on the other hand know what you are doing. In time flesh and bone injuries heal, I doubt mine ever will. Can't you see that we could be perfect for each other?

I'm going to miss you so much and you probably won't even remember me in a month's time. I know you more than you realise Will. You pretend to hate everyone but deep down you're just too afraid to face them. All the apparent drinking and dating it's all just a cover-up. I don't know who Cecily is or what connection you have but I just want to help you Will.

With all my heart I wish I could have told you this how I feel earlier but every time I felt the courage rising slowly in my chest it stopped dead- right next to the remains of my splintered heart. So I'm leaving I'm not sure where I'm going or if I'll be back but I'm going to find what I really am. I have already said goodbye to Jem and he says he understands. I hope you can find it in your heart to do the same. Maybe next time we meet it will be under better circumstances.

So with all the sincerity and love my heart can possess I bid you farewell,

Yours only,

Tessa

**I'm not sure if I will continue this, I may write a reply letter or I may just have them speaking after Will reads the letter there is a few options I'm considering. It depends if people like it or not, so if you have enjoyed it or if there is anything I could improve please let me know. Thanks! Oh and I would also like to mention that I get the inspiration from msrachelberry 's amazing story "I never told you" I hope she doesn't mind.**


	2. The Letter He Never Wrote

If the grim features on his face weren't enough, the moist patch of sweat on the back of his clothes were a sure sign of his exhaustion. With Jem's sickness worsening Will had to work even harder than usual to protect his parabatai. He would never tell Jem but the darkening bags under his eyes were not just from late nights wandering the town. His feet dragging him away from his troubles only to have his loyalty tow him back.

Entering through the low door frame of his room he threw himself onto his comfortable mattress hoping to sleep his troubles away. As he hit the bed he heard a soft scrunching sound, muffled by his body. Rising slowly from his collapsed state he sifted through the items on his bed. Cream sheets, rumpled training gear and an empty blade sheath fell to the floor in a heap not unlike the state of the weapons storeroom since Thomas had died.

Finding what he desired Will rose from his elbows into an upright position. His eyes skimmed the page like insects darting frantically around a lamppost. Two things instantly struck him; firstly, the smudges where the page had gotten wet causing the ink to run like tears down the face that had caused them and secondly the signature. Tessa.

His heart quivered inside his chest almost too afraid to read the letter while the other half rejoiced eager to read anything from Tess no matter how ill it may bode.

As he read the contents of the letter his eyes welled with the tears that had been waiting to flow for many years. Tears of bitterness and regret, was he truly cursed. Must he harm everything he loved, everything he cherished? First his family and Cecily, now Jem was slowly dying with no cure available and even Tess. Sweet Tessa had left him.

At least she had left before she was broken beyond repair. Her heart was broken now and he hated to leave her feeling like this-so much so that he was tempted to reply to the letter-but she would heal in time. He on the other hand never would. He would stand back from life alone and unloved for fear that he would only harm what he cared for most.

The tears flowed freely now mingling with those already on the paper.

Weakened by his aching heart he scrambled till he found two new pieces of paper to write on. His loving words flowing like the glistening tears from his eyes.

Dearest Tess,

I am so terribly sorry for everything that has happened and the pain that I have caused you. I love you more than words could explain, more than books and being a Shadowhunter. More than life itself! I only hope that you could see why I had to do this why I needed to separate myself from you. It was all for your protection, I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you. I thought if I stayed away you mi-

Will stopped writing and raised the nib of the pen. He couldn't send this, he never could. Everything he had done would have been for nothing all the pain he had put her through. Sure this would give her hope and joy for a little while but what after that? He couldn't protect her from himself.

It wasn't despite his love for her that he wouldn't send this letter it was because of it! With a broken yet determined heart he forced himself to crumble the piece of paper. Fleetingly he consider writing a second letter with the piece of paper that remained that would tell her that he had no feelings for. That would ensure that she never came back but he couldn't do that either. He couldn't hurt her more than was necessary besides why would she return after what he had done.

Now she would have two things to blame him for, the one word he could never say to her and the letter he could never write.

**Hey everybody, thanks for your patience I hope you enjoyed reading my story. I am sad to** **say that I doubt I will continue this tale. I prefer to leave the completion of the story to Cassandra Clare. Don't send me hate notes as to the fact that they should have made up and he should have rushed to her aid. I wanted you all to see why Will did what he did but without knowing more I didn't want to change the story. Though I am a huge fan of Tessa and Will being together. I'd love reviews and thanks to everyone who reviewed already**


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